tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post593076502373443460..comments2024-03-29T05:41:35.119-07:00Comments on Graphic Firing Table: I like you, but not That WayFDChiefhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607785969510234092noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post-30977254033451075572013-03-18T17:38:29.481-07:002013-03-18T17:38:29.481-07:00Ah, I see ... Well, having done field studies my w...Ah, I see ... Well, having done field studies my whole life, I like this challenge. I'll be sending a draft along forthwith :)Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08839236994990699117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post-70364353765242671492013-03-18T15:02:10.526-07:002013-03-18T15:02:10.526-07:00Specifically; do you sense that there is a general...Specifically; do you sense that there is a general female tendency to see men in general as a) a meal ticket, or b) a dildo with a human attached?<br /><br />I throw in "a" because I think that we've created a society where rather than look at the other gender as individuals we're invited to looked at them as a generic...something. For men, it's a sort of self-propelled rubber fuckdoll. I would guess that if women had a similar preconception sold to them it wouldn't involve sex; we as a society tend to discourage women from taking an active interest in, role in, or contribution to their own sex lives (i.e. if she "wants" sex she's a slut; if you're having sex and she takes steps to ensure that you're pleasing her she's a domineering bitch). So my thought would be that the kind of thing that might make women tend to look at men not as a potential friend (ally, fellow fan-of-something, pal, running partner) might be the encouragement to see him as her meal-ticket...<br /><br />My thought is that, in general, I've found my women friends DON'T share the whole "you're not my friend, you're just someone I haven't fucked yet..." Chris Rock thing. And - maybe I've been lucky - I've never run into the meal-ticket deal outside of anecdote and foreign climes...<br /><br />But I lack the perspective of "the other side of the hill". Thought you might have some ideas from that POV...FDChiefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607785969510234092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post-53287831910869937732013-03-18T13:05:59.446-07:002013-03-18T13:05:59.446-07:00Thank you for the invite; I find human behavior en...Thank you for the invite; I find human behavior endlessly fascinating, and would be happy to give this woman's take.<br /><br />Tell me what you mean by "how women handle this", and I'll give it a stab (not to be Freudian :))<br /><br />L.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08839236994990699117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post-74817636861101286302013-03-17T10:45:48.037-07:002013-03-17T10:45:48.037-07:00Thing is, Leon, I know guys my own age that STILL ...Thing is, Leon, I know guys my own age that STILL think that way. Admittedly, I knew a lot more when we were all in our twenties. And I know that we all bullshit each other when we're hanging out versus what we really do when we're with a woman we like. But the dynamic still seems strange, and it just seems like there should be a way to do things better...<br /><br />Lisa: I think we sent through a period where the "best" we could do was a sort of harem-kind of deal where the guys didn't get to really know the gals at all; they were "protected" and immured inside their families until marriage. Since the breakdown of that system, though, lust has been given reign but we haven't managed to get a handle on the middle ground between it and mere acquaintance.<br /><br />And I'll agree that there's always a sexual awareness in any het male-female relationship; as you say, that's part of the "good" part of the gender differences. But a lot of guys seem to have trouble with the friendship part when they "haven't fucked yet", and I guess I don't understand that. Just because you find a female friend attractive doesn't mean you have to act on it, or mean that you need to cheat on your <i>inamorata</i>. You'd think that a genuinely adult couple could acknowledge that, accept it, and incorporate it into the sexual part of their lives - as my wife reminds me when I look at another woman with open enjoyment; "Work up your appetite wherever you want, slick - just let's eat at home, eh?"<br /><br />And the truth is that I don't have a good feeling for how women handle this - and I'd love to hear your extended take on that. Perhaps you can write something at Big Brass Blog, or e-mail it here for me to post, if the subject interests you.<br /><br />Re: "personal responsibility" perhaps I've been luckier than most, but many of both my male and female friends are fairly stand-up about their actions. But I tend to agree that the need to be the star of their own show seems to outweigh the imperative to be honest about their own acts and to resist the impulse to take the easy, skeevy way out and then lie - to themselves as much as anyone - about it...FDChiefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607785969510234092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post-74597424645941926912013-03-16T12:56:43.363-07:002013-03-16T12:56:43.363-07:00Re. men having a "hard time with the idea tha...Re. men having a "hard time with the idea that a woman can be a pal, or a comrade, or a co-worker, or a boss ...", I believe that is because for most of our time on this planet, they probably weren't, right? I mean, each gender had a sphere of influence, with little area of union.<br /><br />Add onto this the fact that so many humans are sneaky and suspect, in general (not that I'm neurotic, just observant), and we don't have a good cocktail for friendly fraternitie, sadly. The machinations come from both sides of the aisle, and are deeply ingrained.<br /><br />That said, those of us who live on the coasts tend to be more open-minded to the project of an opposite sex friend for non-sexual pleasure, but on the whole, I'm with Chris Rock: <i>Men don't have friends, they have women they have not yet f*cked.</i> Sad, but for many, true.<br /><br />Speaking of my sisters, I can vouch for the fact that the descriptors "catty" and "b*tch" are not some one-off (again, sadly.) They've been trained that way. They are on the prowl for a nest and a meal ticket, and they trade up when they can. I trust few women.<br /><br />Cynic? Not really, just realist. I have true men and women friends; more men than women, as they tend to be more interesting (to me). The frisson between the sexes is part of the allure, no? You enjoy that je ne sais quios of the opposite sex; ditto here. For me, a big part of that attraction lies in the mind and the heart, so I love my big-hearted and -minded female friends as much as my males.<br /><br />But my experience is, along with adoration of those fine qualities comes a desire (between the sexes) ... it is just human. So it is hard, and it takes evolved individuals to manage this. Often, couples who are solid may do this inter-couple, but single friends are always a threat, IMHO. <br /><br />I have met few women who are so hardcore about personal responsibility as myself. That is not to "brag on myself" as they say in the South -- it's just what I've seen and heard.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08839236994990699117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31246093.post-29333366350102401212013-03-16T11:17:20.471-07:002013-03-16T11:17:20.471-07:00Probably because you're no longer a hormone ad...Probably because you're no longer a hormone addled early 20's. Also I suspect the culture the soldiers inhabit conditions them to say/act that way. I suspect you could hear the proverbial crickets if a soldier was to say "no, I just like to hang out with her, I'm not interesting in with her" during a bullshit session.Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15715768191516712688noreply@blogger.com