I repost without further comment just because, frankly, I need a bit of a laugh this Friday. So:The World's New Security Levels
Great Britain: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.France: The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.Italy: has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."
Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." Germany: The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."
They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgium: Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual;
the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. Australia: meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled."
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
So wherever you're travelling this weekend, remember: be afraid - be VERY afraid!
Great quote from a comic master (and John Cleese, too). My entire family was giggling helplessly. Although the comments about France were JUST a little mean!
ReplyDeleteBut you and Mr. Cleese left out the US. So we put our heads together and filled the gap.
America is similar to Germany except the last two steps which are "Invade a distant country" and "Declare victory and go home." Rumor has it that the Canadians are very grateful for this subtle difference.