Acting 1SG Lawes reads the morning formation announcements

Comp-ney, Atten-shun!

At ease.

Okay, listen up. Coupla things here.

First.

Final formation today will include this month's awards and decorations, and the Old Man will have more to say about that during the a-formentioned occasion. 

Let me just note my congratulations to those of you heroes who will be honored. Thank you for your fucking service, as the good people of the nation would probably say in lieu of buying you an actual drink, the cheap bastards.

I do want to call attention to Specialist Tenney, however, for what may be the most unique award of the coveted 82nd Airborne Distinguished Trooper Award I have ever in my entire career been privy to.

Specifically, it is for the "period between 14 and 15 November". I want you to note that.

Because during that period Specialist Tenney was doing the extra duty he was assigned subsequent to the little incident outside the shopette down in the Divarty AO which we will not revisit other than recommend you please do not take Specialist Tenney as your model the next time you are in Divarty AO and are seized by the mad compulsion for a two-liter of Mountain Dew Code Red and a party-size bag of jalapeno-flavored pork rinds, do I have that part correct, Specialist Tenney? 

Thank-kew.

During this period my understanding is that Specialist Tenney was detailed to perform area beautification outside the senior enlisted quarters at Randolph Point.

Specifically, outside the Brigade Sergeant Major's residence.

The recommendation for award came through Brigade, but I note that the handwriting of the signature on the form appears suspiciously similar to that of Missus Brigade Sergeant Major that appears on the lovely holiday card which we received in lieu of a holiday party we cannot hold in person during what I understand are still these "trying times" if the Yadkin Pawn commercial I viewed last night was correct.

Let me make this simple, people.

Whilst I appreciate your willingness to help those in our Army family in need, and I also find it admirable that you are willing to go that extra mile above and beyond the boundaries of your military duties, I strongly recommend that you do not, I say again not, push those boundaries in such a way as to excite the domestic suspicions of certain senior individuals who might possibly be in a position to exert undue pressure on other senior members of your NCO chain.

Put plainly, people, the Brigade Sergeant Major has never been accused of being the most accurate round in the shot group, but if you take advantage of your proximity to his Domestic Six to trim certain bushes in his fucking yard it is possible - perhaps not likely but possible - that he will take notice and respond in ways that you are likely to regret, and that I am likely to be forced to deal with, and neither you nor I will enjoy that.

In other words, keep it in your pants, people. Specialist Tenney, you may take this as both a belated warning and a kind of wary and rueful sort of congratulation, you magnificent bastard.

Second.

The Space Force operational area at North Post is no longer off-limits after resolution of that contretemps regarding the actions of certain individuals in the 504th. 

As I know that both your military bearing and individual capabilities are superior to the entire collective ASVAB scores of the fucking 504th I have no fears that you will be involved in any similar issues, but I remind you once again, however, that if and when you are a guest of the Space Force people you now represent not just this unit and the Airborne but the entire United States Army before a sister service, and are expected to behave as such.

Which brings me to the following item I received from Command Master Senior Space Sergeant Rogers, the Space Force CSM. To wit:

The proper term of address for a Space Force person is Guar...

G...

Guard...

Yes, Sergeant Harder, I know this is not a laughing matter! Just give me a fucking moment here.

Guardian!

Aha.

Moving on, people, look. CMSSS Rogers writes to advise me that in the future, parties of off-duty individuals from this Division will be welcome in their unit area providing certain groundrules are followed.

Driving in loudly playing something I am informed is called "Peter Quill's Awesome Mixtape" on POV speakers is getting old and is highly discouraged.

No, there are no fucking talking raccoons in the Space Force area, and walking around holding out beef jerky at knee level saying "here raccoon, raccoon, raccoon" trying to lure them out is simulatneously futile, irritating, and disrespectful, and,

The next individual who replies to any form of address from a G...Gu...Guardian!(fuck!)...with "I am Groot." will be referred to his chain of command for disciplinary action. This includes responding to salutes, which, I remind you, is highly unprofessional.

Play nice with the spacemen, people. I am counting on you to remember who you represent.

Are we clear?

Good. That is all.

Comp-ney, Atten-shun!

Platoon sergeants, take charge.