Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Another strand of seaweed alongside the road

Looks like I'm not the only one feeling sort of hung-down and aimless.

That was in the glory years, when the "Uncle Sam" billboard was a roadside attraction on par with South of the Border and the world's largest ball of yarn. I blogged a while back about this strange highway "attraction" off the I-5 freeway just south of Chehalis (it's at the link, trust me, you just have to scroll down a little).

This goofy contraption was the work of one guy, Alfred Hamilton, wingnut, entrepreneur, and ex-farmer. The story I've heard is that he was pissed off about government because of the seizure of part of his farmland to build I-5 and so he put up the billboard to tell the world about it.
"His two-sided "Uncle Sam" billboard dates back to 1971. Over the years, it has carried a litany of messages aimed at politicians Hamilton didn't like as well as homosexuals, Russia, abortion, communism, big government, the United Nations and gun control, to name a few."
The ghost blog Meet The Stress has a nice snarky little obit for Al, who, it turns out, actually threw up this sign because his wife found out that "...the state was spending more money on welfare than on schools".

Al's gone to the Free Republic In The Sky but his successors (kids? grandkids? who the hell knows) have kept up the great curmudgeonly tradition, proudly expressing Al's full range of thought, from "Right-Wing Nut" to "Thinks Mussolini Was A Pussy Who Didn't Have The Balls To Really Bring The Fascism".

But even Al's Freeper spawn seem to be losing their edge these days. Here's what they had up on the southbound side of the billboard when I drove by today:

Ummm...the Final Jeopardy answer is: "The Egyptian army and airforce"?

WTF, guys? That's IT? An entire wingnutoverse out there to help you with finding subjects for your forty-foot-high outrage over Those Damn Libtards And Their Dhimmitude and this is the best you got?

This is your 90-mile-an-hour-fastball?
(And I noted that the northbound side was even lamer; something about how "those Damn Eurocommies are coming for their people's pensions and was yours next?", like Al's GOP pals had left any of us with an actual "pension" instead of riding the fucking 401K bus to the Poorhouse.)
Suddenly I don't feel so bereft of inspiration. If this is the best the wingnuts in Chehalis can do, Jesus wept, people, this is just sad and I feel like Enid fucking Blyton by comparison.


Lisa said...

Ah, Enid Blyton! It is hard to see you that way, Chief ;)

I enjoyed this bit in the Wiki sidebar:

Resting place: Golders Green Crematorium --

You see, that's the sort of bunk that has me crinkly lately ... "resting place"? A bus stop is a resting place, maybe (if it's not in downtown Cleveland), but a crematorium? I think not.

basilbeast said...

And how come anything interesting happens first in Portland, tell me that.

Right after the most excruciating interview in TV history and a huge bump in his book sales, look who shows up


Syrbal/Labrys said...

Every time I drove past that damned sign it made my eyes roll sufficiently to create a traffic hazard. It made me want LadyBird Johnson back in the White House working to ban ugly freaking signs from American roadways.

However bereft of inspiration I feel, I never feel I've dropped into the same zone as that twerpitude on the I-5.

FDChief said...

Lisa: Enh. I'm inclined to give people a pass where Death is on the line. We're so freaky about it. If they want to call the place where they stashed Grandpa's ashy residue a "resting place", well...whatever.

Some other euphemisms, not so much.

Basil: news to me. Never heard of this dude until you introduced me. Interesting concept, tho; I should really check out his work.

Labrys: That was the genesis of this post. The utter dorkitude of the wingnuttiness on display made me feel like a conquering beast of liberal dhimmitude. It was like, well, fuck, I may be a little lowdown but I ain't THAT lowdown!