Thursday, October 08, 2009

The Lifeguard's Revenge

I admit to watching "Baywatch" back in the day to a) ogle the scantily-dressed babes and b) revel in the utter doofiness of The Hoff. At the time, the actress in this video, someone named Nicole Eggert, was just another skinny California blonde. And apparently even California blondes put on a few pounds when they pass 40. Hence the subject of this...But y'know the real odd thing to me about the thing?

Nicole is NOT fat.

Nowhere CLOSE. She's got a little belly, and is a little soft around the hips. Does she have the truly unhealthy dewlaps of flesh, in the sagging gut or under the arms or on the thighs, of the dangerously obese? C'mon. She's a gorgeous woman in her middle forties. How the hell is that fat? Add to that the fact that the woman has apparently had a serious back injury, is still in some lingering pain and probably can't maintain her the kind of fitness you need to stay actress thin.

And she's had a baby.

So this little vid doesn't work for me; you have to start from the concept that a couple of extra pounds makes you...FAT. That a woman who is a little extra curvy is disgusting because of that. Not me, Giacomo; that's not a bug, it's a feature. I'm with her; let 'em drown, the dumb bastards.

No, y'know what does kinda squick me out?

The tramp stamp. Ewwwww. Sorry, ladies. Tats look good on, wait, they don't. Tats are tough; they have to fit you and your personality, they have to be part of you. The strange little butterfly or whatever that is you wear over your right kidney, Nicole. Ick. It just doesn't work for me.

Strange, isn't it, what the human eye and mind finds to delight in or reject? The makers of the video apparently think that Nicole's weight is unpleasant. For me, it's the scrimshaw on her skin; it's like painting grafitti on Venus di Milo.


Meghan H said...

But, you see, HOLLYWOOD thinks she's fat. And apparently they're the only opinion that matters.

Lisa said...

I don't find tattoos appealing on either men or women. Call me Puritan; it just seems a desecration.

Pluto said...

My big problem with tattoos is that they are usually only appropriate for a particular period in somebody's life but then they move on and have to wear this increasingly inappropriate bit of art on their bodies for the rest of their lives.

FDChief said...

Meghan: and we've seen what H'wood calls "just right" which is what the rest of us would call "anorexic"...

Lisa: I know one person - just one - who "fits" inside her tats; they're very unique AND they work with her personality (she's a very hip urban mom and former rollergirl). But in general I agree.

Pluto: I have to say that I think my problem with tats started working in the Army hospital at Ft. Bragg where we served a very high percentage of veterans. Seeing the old guys come in all sick and wasted, the tats they'd been so proud of when they were you all stretched, faded and incongruous on their wrinkled just added that final indignity to an undignified situation.

FDChief said...

"when they were youNG all stretched..."

Damn typos