Friday, January 29, 2016

"Just walk away, Cletus..."

Dear remaining traitors in arms.

No. Not just no, but fuck no.

The only place you get to be a heroic rebel and then use your awesome Jedi mind powers to force the Evil Stormtroopers that you're not the rebellious fucksticks they're looking for is in George Lucas' head.


So when you say:
"We are willing to leave peacefully...if the FBI will let us leave without arrest or forcing us through the checkpoint, we will all go home."
you're talking complete nonsense. It don't work that way, Cletus.

And CNN? When traitors in arms tell you that they will either walk away without facing the consequences of their armed sedition or they will make the earth and sky red with blood? That's not "saying they're ready to leave peacefully". That's demanding that they escape the consequences of their armed sedition and giving the rest of us peaceful citizens the big ol' rebel-in-arms finger.

Figure it out, goddamn.

But you...you're going to get a wonderful choice, my dear traitors.

You are going to get to surrender without being hung out of hand as has been the traditional fate of traitors in arms. You will get an expensive and public trial in which you are very likely to be given a ridiculously vast amount of privilege to spout your idiotic, treasonous nonsense and justify your greedy and selfish seizure of our public patrimony. And, even if you are convicted of the crimes you have so self-evidently committed, you will have careful and relatively benign jailers who will ensure that you are released unharmed to resume your deluded and delusional defiance of both republican government and common sense which I know you will because...well, you're you and can no more stop being you than a howler monkey can stop flinging its poop.

In short, you are some seriously lucky sonsofbitches and you need to accept that and go quietly to the lawmen and surrender.

Before your fellow traitors find out why the snacks were gone.
Because, looking at you?

It's not that hard to guess where all the Cheetos went, genius, and no matter how slow your pals are they'll figure it out eventually and then who's gonna save you when they go all Second Amendment Solution on your porky ass?

Just sayin'.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

"not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin"

bb

Ael said...

Wow Chief, you are on a roll.

And also, might I add, a magnificent display of snark, anger and outrage.

You have talent.

FDChief said...

Yeah, that's some mighty fine face fur on that chubby little rascal, ain't it, basil?

And as for the rolling, Ael, well, it's really that these sonsofbitches are such a tempting target. There's no work involved when someone gifts you this much material. It's like falling backwards into a featherbed...

Imagin ista said...

The most beautiful thing about The Final Resistance is that except for your righteous screed here, these people are getting zero attention. LaVoy LaVicious has already been relegated to the day old pile, proving that, as predicted by sane people everywhere, he died for exactly nothing.

Leon said...

I think they were left hanging on the rope long enough to get publicly humiliated (dildos by mail, who knew their effectiveness) and disowned by their own community of gun-nuts, libertaritwits, corporatewhores, and Christifundies. They started a revolution and nobody bothered to even listen to their podcast. They also successfully poisoned their own well by alienating local supporters.

paul harris said...

It says a lot about the total lack of guts, class, decency, or (shudder to say in this context) honor on good ol' Sean's part that he doesn't just walk to the checkpoint and turn himself in. The others can go home as soon as he has the cuffs on and he's basically got them as volunteer hostages.

They're morons, he's a very large turd. I'm hoping no LEOs get wounded when the inevitable Retard Roundup takes place.

FDChief said...

What frustrates me just as much as these morons is that with all the claptrap that dominates the Republican debates about IS, terrorism, the "rule of law", traditional values blah blah blah that not a single on of the babbling fools took a moment to call these bastards out. Just a simple "...and we have our own armed rebels right here in the Oregon desert, trying to take what's yours and mine for their depraved ideology of selfish greed..!" would have been just fine.

The fact is that for all the stick they've taken they can still take heart that one of the two political parties we've allowed ourselves is silently if not approving if their actions at least not DISapproving. And without full-on rejection there's always hope.

Paul Bibeau said...

Solid work, sir. Solid.