He leadeth me beside the still waters and changeth my oil.

Seen today on the road home from the pandemic-grocery run:

Craig Audidriver: "What? You're kidding! I've only got forty thousand miles on this car!"

The Lord God: "Well, that may be, but the rotors are shot and the front pads have about two millimeters left on them, so maybe someone is telling you not to ride the fucking brake so much, K? Up to you, chief, but I'd recommend doing the front brakes before the next time you drive over to your side piece's place."

Craig: "My side...WHAT? How..?"

The Lord God:

Craig:

The Lord God: "You want I should rotate the tires while I'm at it?"