Thursday, December 06, 2007

Hair Loss: Dread Crippler of Young Adults

Just in cause you thought I was getting a little goofy on the subject of Passover and God as casual murderer...I thought I'd add this snipbit, one of the more apalling things you turn up if you look through the Old Testament enough.
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This is from the Second Book of Kings. The propher Elisha is on the road to Bethel and runs into a little disrespect issue with some of the local kiddies. The results aren't...pretty:
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2 Kings 2:23-24: And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
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Harsh? A bit. Kiddies flip God's prophet some shit about his comb-over so 42 get torn to little kiddie bitlets by bears? WTF? And you don't hear God turn up a bit later in Second Kings to check in with Elisha:

God: "Ummm, hey, dude. Wassup?"
Elisha: "I am hastening to Bethel, Lord, to deliver thy Word."
God: "Oh, that, yes, good, good. No trouble on the way, I hope?"
Elisha: "Oh, no, Lord."
God: "No blisters? Bunions not acting up? No, say, rascally kids mocking that little...mmm...bald spot of yours?"
Elisha (grimly gleeful): "Not any more."
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A long pause; Elisha trudges on.
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God: "Don't you think the she-bears were...ummm...a little...?"
Elisha: "The Prophet of the Lord is not to be mocked!"
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God: "Right. Right. But wasn't that..."
Elisha: "The Prophet of the Lord is not to be mocked!!"
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God: "Yeah. Okay. Yeah. (Sigh) Guess I'll see you in Bethel, then. (To himself) Dude...gotta find some prophets with a freakin' sense of humor somewhere...shit..."

2 comments:

Meghan H said...

On a related note, if you want high hilarity, rent "Combover: The Movie" or come over to our house sometime (we saved it on our DVR.) It's a silly documentary tribute to a dying hairstyle (if you can call it a style.)

Mrs. Vandertramp said...

I assume you have found the skeptics annotated bible? Lots of fun there.