Saturday, November 24, 2012

Take me, Mandingo!

Back in the day my ex-wife and I belonged to the local rec center gym.

It wasn't such of a muchness, but it had a decent weight room, some stationary bikes, rowing machines and that, a sauna and steam room, and was close enough to our then-apartment to be a pleasant walk on a nice day.
Anyway, one Saturday afternoon we'd walked over to the gym for our workout. I remember it was a pleasant autumn day and the paths through the riverside park were crisp with harvest-colored leaves and a faint smell of distant smoke. We enjoyed a chaste kiss in the foyer and went to our respective lockers to change.

After my workout I showered and stopped off at the sauna to bake out the chill. I spread my towel on a corner spot and leaned back to melt in the heat.

A couple of other guys came and went, each time carefully ignoring each other or exchanging greetings with a studiedly heterosexual grunt or nod.

Until The Black Guy entered.

Now let me be clear; this was Wilmington, Delaware, not Portland, so this guy wasn't the only black guy there that day.

But he was...well, let's just say that in one respect he was THE Black Guy. He was, well, kind like THIS Black Guy.
We all grunted heterosexually. He spread out his towel, sat down, and casually flicked his penis over his thigh like Hercules tossing a stray boulder out of his path.

We all studiously looked at the cedar ceiling. Or pretended to close our eyes and absorb the heat.

But not one of us said a word.

We all sat there for fifteen minutes or so, casually sweating in an ostentatiously heterosexual way and carefully not staring at anyone's inhumanly enormous junk.

Then The Black Guy stood up, picked up his towel, casually swung his enormous tool out of his way, and walked out.

We all just looked at each other for a stunned moment and left the sauna in awed, and somewhat shamed, silence.

On the way home my ex and I chatted about the day, and the weather, and plans for the weekend. And I told her about The Black Guy's penis.

And we went on home to dinner.

Later that evening we were lounging about on the sofa. Lounging became kissing, and kissing became fondling, and pretty soon we were in the middle of some pretty serious conjugal business. And just when the temperature was about as high as it could be short of breaking out the top of the thermometer like in one of those Warner Brothers cartoons, my paramour placed her soft, wet lips against my ear and murmured in the frenzied breathlessness of lust;

"Tell me about The Black Man's penis again..."

And I can now tell you from hard experience it's damned deadly difficult to perform the Capital Act when you're both rolling around on the floor giggling helplessly.


gruff said...



Lisa said...

Well, uh, I can't even begin to tell you how yet again you manage to achieve something ... paranormal.

I am visiting Ranger in his county which is 65% black. I have hopped on the computer @ McDonalds, the only connection in the area (Ranger is not wired). A nice-looking big black employee courteous just stepped over and asked,

"Excuse me, ma'am, but what name of computer are you using?" A polite gambit, and then your wonderful aghast kitty ... well, its' a wonderful conspiracy of circumstances, and I love your story.

I s'pose you know the joke about the two guys (one black, one white, w/ "WY" tattooed on their private members?

It's so good to be able to laugh :)

FDChief said...

"Welcome to Jamaica, my name is Raimondo, please have a nice day"?

Yep; heard it.

We had a GI living in the barracks in Panama who was similarly endowed nicknamed "Donkey Kong". The standard joke was that he was part of the new-troop orientation, along with the dayroom and the various company HQ locations; "...and that's Private Justin in the shower, there, and over here is the supply room..."