Overheard on the Porch

Fricking Blogger. Pictures are still showing up as a bunch of ASCII gibberish. Honestly, it's like hacking your way though the Digital Era with a goddam stone axe. If I didn't have such a long blogging tail behind me I'd find a new webhost.
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Anyway, this was kinda sweet. Remember the little boy who made the comment that Daddy's possible decapitation of Little Missy with a chainsaw would be "a beautiful thing"? Well, he was outside playing with his friend Goofus the other day. Now I don't assign pseudonyms idly: Goofus is, well, goofy. Really. Clinically. He's got some sort of emotional problem, which you could probably figure by the fact that at eleven he WANTS to play with a four-year-old. Trust me - I keep a reeeeal close eye on him when he and the Peeper play together.
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So the other day he starts talking about Missy's little nose - you can see from the picture that her left nostril is a teensy bit flattened. You can barely notice it, but that's Goofus for you. He starts yattering on about her nose:
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"Her nose is wierd. Look at it, it's really funny looking. Isn't it wierd? Why is her nose so wierd?"
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Big brother Peep thinks about this for a minute and the says in a very quiet voice:
"I think it's pretty".

See 'Saw

Big Boy Peeper is trying to be good about his brand new little sister, but it's not always real easy. She's really much more comfortable and relaxed around the house which translates into a cute little toddler windmill of grasping hands and toddling feet, usually toddling over to wherever the Peep is playing and trying to snatch a toy.
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She also gets lots of Mommy and Daddy time, which is easy enough to understand when you're 34 or 44 and know that she can't really do much for herself but not when you're 4-and-a-half and can only see that she's getting more than half of the attention once rightfully yours.
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But, having been scolded by Mommy and Daddy for pushing, shoving or kicking, and even for shouting mean things at this little intruder, the Pea has taken to expressing his dissatisfaction with the new regime in somewhat oblique terms.
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So he no longer says things like "I hate Mei-mei!"; rather, observing a baby on television, he comments "I hate babies!" Or he invents elaborate misbehavior situations for his little sister: "Daddy, what if Mei-mei found some matches and candles and burned down the whole house?" "Well, son, we would certainly be unhappy with her for burning the house down." At which point his face lights up with a grin of pure schadenfreudlich satisfaction...
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So I can't say I was surprised when The Peep coolly eyed his sister scrambling around on the floor and asked:
"Daddy, what if Mei-mei cut her head off with a chainsaw?"
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I replied that I doubted that she could even lift a chainsaw, and that self-decapitation was very probably out of the picture. He pondered that for a moment.
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"Daddy, what if YOU cut of Mei-mei's head with a chainsaw?" "Well, son, I wouldn't ever do that, but if I did your Mommy and I would be very, very sad."
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The Peep thought about this a moment and then replied in a wistful little voice: "It would be a beautiful thing..."
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I'm going to have to keep that boy out of the Homelite aisle at Linnton Feed and Seed, that's for sure.