Saturday, August 30, 2008

Gidget and the Geezer

In his comment on the preceding post (and, yes, the nimrods are still working this weekend and so am I) my comrade Pluto says: "...looking forward to reading what you have to say about McCain's VP choice."

I read that and thought: what's to say? That Sarah Heath Palin is the Danforth Quayle of 2008? That McSame didn't have much of a pond to fish from: once you get past this year's failed Red candidates (and, honestly, who hadn't spent the entire evening smoking crack would want to take on "Too culty/too rich" Mittens, "Too traitorous to his own party" Joe, "Too-too" Rudi or the Incredible Huck?) you're down to the unknowns and the totally full-gonzo flippin' wingnuts?

Ummmm...yeah.So Palin does for Gappa John what J. Danforth did for 41: nails down the Nazi and Theocrat Wings of the Party of God, adds a dash of novelty to the race, gives a little girlish charm to what is basically a cold and angry old man.

Other than that? Ummmm...well, she seems to have less avarice in her soul than the typical country-club Republican. This may be personal or it may be a reflection of her good-ol'-girl background.

Her resume is thin, and based on what we know of McCain, her principal qualification might be her ability to shut up and nod. McCain, with his explosive temper and penchant for stepping on his poncho isn't looking for some snarky Darth Cheney to sharpshoot him. He wants a pliant nobody.

Or it may be the "beauty queen" thing - Shotdown John seems to have an eye for the ladies. Sarah is discreetly hot in a sort of PTA/church mom kind of way. The old coot may like the idea of some arm candy for his whistlestops.

I'm discounting the other crap: the point guard, the fish, the moose hunter flapdoodle, the stories of using her office to piss on her ex-in-law (what the hell good is political office if you can't use it to bitchslap your jackass in-laws? Jesus, you'd be asking politicians to give up free plane rides, next...) That's just for the rubes.

I think her vile christopithocene attitude towards women ("You go in there and knock'er up, Kyle - I'll getten' the law on'er if she don't pop that sprog!!") will negate whatever miniscule appeal she might have for the PUMAs, and the other Jesusopathic patriarchy-squeezers would vote for Attila the Hun if he promised to punish abortion and force schoolkids to pray for recess.

Nope. It's for the shelf appeal. She's the feisty girl sidekick that lets us know that the curmudgeonly wizened bastard is secretly "hip". She's the old Time Lord's Susan Foreman.

So here they are; America's alternative to fiscal sanity, moral probity, geopolitical realism and Constitutional fealty: John "POW" McSame, and the Northern Exposure.

Don't listen to those whining hippies! You can trust us to deliver the same fine federal government you've enjoyed the past eight years! Vote to Stay the Course! Vote Poligrip and Polly Pocket! FABULICIOUS!! Update 8/31: Two late thoughts; one sad, one happy. Sad: that anyone, especially any woman, especially any politician, could laugh at a couple of ignorant shock jocks calling a female, fellow-Republican, cancer-survivor colleague a "bitch" and a "cancer". This says to me "I'm too stupid a politician to be elected dogcatcher in a political system that actually, like, worked, and too petty and syncophantic a person to entertain enough independant thought to walk and chew gum at the same time." Happy: that the World has driftglass to take this mess and make a real FunnyHa-Ha out of it. I was laughing so hard I could barely decide whether "Weeping Barbara Bush!" was funnier than:
"And another thing; people are getting really creeped out with you dropping the P-bomb every time you have a senior moment. Treating it like you just had your tonsils out -- some free pass to be a prick and demand all the ice cream in the world."
Whatver. Flat-ass funny - go read the whole thing.
(h/t to Blue Gal for the Maidenform ad)


Lisa said...


Yes, Palin is his Danforth Quayle. Or she is his Obama. It is shelf appeal, for sure. Oh God -- these are my fellow Americans.

Your evocative capture of a mindset never fails to elicit a smile: "I'll getten' the law on'er if she don't pop that sprog!!" Yup.

Red Sand said...

"what's to say"? Ah, but it's how YOU say it! I'll confess to having been waiting for this post myself.

Best wishes for not too much weekend work in the end...

Ael said...

You guys have no spirit of adventure.
Do you think she would be any worse president than the current incumbent? (given the strong possibility of cancer recurrence, she may very well take over!)

She might even shake up D.C. a little bit. (AFAIK, she isn't "owned" by any large corporations and she would not be beholden to anyone, should she take over).

I know that I would be vastly amused when the conservative power brokers realize that they have no strong hold on her.

On the other hand, given the possibility of lead poisoning striking the CIC, Biden just represents more of the usual D.C. politics

The possibilities for amusement are much lower on the democrat side.