Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Skeered o' Nuthin' and other trivia

There's a lot of idle thoughts floating about the hanger-like cavernousity of my brain. But before I go and write anything further, I have to stop and say this:

If I was a pirate (and why not?) and I was reaving the littoral waters off Somalia (and who wouldn't?), I'd hate like hell to have to face the wrath of the Republic of Korea Ship...MUNMU THE GREAT!!

Is that a terrific ship name or what?

I understand the great traditions of the U.S. Navy and why our ships are named after things like battles and states and venal, racist senators and nasty, dimwitted, senile actors. But when I contemplate the fear that the foe facing the mighty Munmu must feel...

...I have a certain sympathy for the Honorable John S. Williams (D-Mississippi):"
Whereas the British Sea Monster which we are imitating has been named Dreadnought- an archaic name- this man-o-war is hereby named Skeered O'Nuthin as an expression of our true American spirit; Provided further, that it is hereby made the duty of the first Captain who shall command her to challenge in the nation's name, the so called Dreadnought to a duel a outrance, to take place... in sight of Long Island and that on the occasion of the combat the President and his cabinet... being fond of the strenuous life, shall be entertained on the quarter-deck as guests of the ship and the nation."
So, while I'm just woolgathering...couple of other things.

What is it with people going "outdoors" looking like they were going to the goddam mall? The nice people from the parks service that staff Sabino Canyon make sure you understand that the canyon is a desert. It's HOT. It's DRY. It's SUNNY. They even give you a picture to show you the best way to stay safe and comfortable walking the main access road. Hat, loose clothing that covers you, some trail food, sturdy shoes, sunscreen, water.

So what did we see getting on and off the tram that runs the length of the canyon?

Wifebeaters. Flip-flops. Titty tops. Assgrabbing shorts and babies in little umbrella strollers. Cans of soda pop (if that) and a handful of Cheetos.

Wassup wit dat? Are these people just not bright? Do they not care, or do they think that the real outdoors is like a Disney park where you can duck into Donald's Drink N' Doze if the beer nuts run out or the baby gets sunburned or the little woman blows out a flippy? I mean, it's not THIS bad


C'mon. Are we really that stupid?


And speaking of wierd stuff in public...did you know that public frottage is a real problem in Japan?

Yep. You know what frottage is, right? "Frotteurism"? Oh. Well, okay, that thing where you rub yourself up against someone to provide you or them (or both of you) with sexual pleasure?

Frottage. Frotteurism. Whatev.

BUT. Apparently one of the hazards of the crowded Tokyo (and other big Japanese cities) public transit systems is that anonymous people will...ummm...rub you the wrong way.It's called "chikan" in Japanese, 痴漢, チカン, or ちかん, and is also a common theme of Japanese porn (which, for reasons best know to the Japanese, also involves a lot of "Shibari" - rope-tied women. For some sort of cultural reasons Japanese men consider sex just "enh" but tying your woman up with elaborate rope trusses? Yowza!! Go figure). And the problem is so bad that the Tokyo transit people actually offer women-only cars to keep people's (OK, men's) grubby little hands to themselves.

Damn, people are wierd.

And in the category of "wierd people"?

Republican governors.

Here's some idiot called Sanford, and no, it's not the Fred character from the old sitcom, the GOP gov of South "We LIKE our roads shitty" Carolina, saying - actually SAYING - "What you're doing is buying into the notion that if we just print some more money that we don't have and send it to different states, we'll create jobs. If that's the case, why isn't Zimbabwe a rich place?"

Wait, sunshine, wait...are you saying that spending fake money, money not backed up by tax revenues, is BAD? Like, Zimbabwean bad? Like the sort of thing that only poor, stupid nigras do?

But...but...how does that square with the fact that your fellow GOP jackholes just managed to spend EIGHT YEARS driving our entire COUNTRY from a multibillion-dollar surplus into a multibillion-dollar deficit (you know, where the outlay exceeds the income? Yeah, turdblossom, THAT deficit) to fight a bunch of land wars in asia and enrich the two-yacht family? To ensure the decline of your country, never mind your crappy little impoverished state, into an oligarchy with more convicts than millionaires?

Can you explain that to us, dummy? Or can you at least draw us a picture of how defict spending to fight moronic wars of choice = good while deficit spending to try and keep people from starving and losing their homes = bad? And why Republicans BELIEVE this mindless drivel, not only since their history in the Depression proved them flat-ass wrong but......now with fifty percent more frottage!?!

Oh, sorry, Dubya. I thought you some weird Japanese guy on a train or something. I see you had important...ummm...business of state to address.

Anyway...you say those are GOOD reasons to just "print some more money". That then it's OK. just so long as you weren't jerking around like some dumb ol' Aferkin nigras trying to, y'know, help stave off A FUCKING DEPRESSION!!!

Jesus wept.

So I needed some good thoughts, and whenever I need that I just head over to "Waiting For Sprout" to check up on brand new mom Kelli and her little Madeline.

Cute? OMFG, we're talking a Cuteness Tsunami! A veritable Black Plague of Cuteness! The Great Awakening of Cutitude! These two are Cute Squared to the Nth Power of Cute!

Joe Bob says: check 'em out!

OK. Done meandering. Back tomorrow with more real thinking. Have a good day and watch your ass in crowded subways. Banzai!


Red Sand said...

Welcome back. Little Sprout is indeed a treasure, isn't she?

Ael said...

Up here, we occasionally lose a tourist who, being lost in the woods, comes across a game trail.

Not realizing that a trail does not have to be made by people they follow it farther and farther into the wilderness until it peters out in some nice meadow or other.

sheerahkahn said...

So...Chief...welcome back...and after listing of all the things that make us...well, define us as human, and highlight our very human condition you asked the million dollar question...

"C'mon. Are we really that stupid?"

And my question to you is...do you really want me to answer that?

FDChief said...

RS: That Maddie sure is a cutie. I hope we can meet her soon after they get back home.

Ael, Sheerah: Sigh. I'm afraid that we as a species have been pretty negligent about vacuuming the shallow end of the gene pool...

Lisa said...

I love your eloquent outrage.

Munmu is imposing, on the order of Mothra imposing.

As to the trailwalkers, one shouldn't even go to the mall tricked out like that. America's had a great come down, eh?

As for frottage, well, a world o' kooks out there, though I s'pose I've had my brush with it.

Many years ago in Karate class, I really wasn't getting it, and the burly instructor stormed over to my corner, stood behind me and moved me through the kata. All hot and sweaty was I, and there's something to endorphins, but I wasn't displeased.

A friend who taught in Japan told me of the problem -- even old guys expect to cop a feel. Kind of gives one the heebie jeebies. I'd want my frotteuree to invite the experience.

I add the disclaimer to hopefully exempt myself from the kooky category.

FDChief said...

Lisa: Ta. I only wish that there were fewer things to get outraged about in these sadly diminshed times.

And I thoroughly agree with you about the frottage. The outrageous part, to me, is the nonconsentual part. Of all the elements of human sens- and sexuality, perhaps nothing is more fully human than our enjoyment of each other's physicality in ways that don't involve copulation.

By that I mean that every critter out there has a tripwire reflex that says "Let's fuck." It's how we beat extinction. But one of the things that distinguishes us from the anthropoids and the rest is that we take our sensual pleasure in ways that only obliquely reflect that mating. So we hear the warm tone of a whisper, or glimpse the curve of a breast or strong muscle, or feel the warm sweat of good exercise, or the tingle of a lingering touch...and we enjoy that aspect of our juncture, however brief, with the other person.

That's not kooky. That's delightful, and very, very human.

Groping a stranger on a train?


Two lovers tittilating each other on a crowded train, relishing their veiled smouldering, their hidden shudders, amid the crush of the impersonal crowd?

Kooky? Nah. They're enjoying each other in a way that pleases them, and I can't think of a better thing than that.

Lisa said...

Proximity and titillation -- much to be said for delight. I've been reading some Rilke lately, stuff about interstitial spaces. Brilliant. No matter how physically close we appear to get, there are still vast spaces. How correct he was, on a quantum level, at least.

I've always been fascinated by the violent nature of Manga, the interest in bondage over copulation, even. The Japanese are so propriotous outwardly, but perhaps their repression must burst forth in odd and inappropriate ways.

It is the best in humans that can reach that exalted level of appreciating nuance. I do not know how often it is attained. People are so busy.

atomic mama said...

The kind of peeps who would wear a get-up such as you describe? They are by and large the same kind of folks who would RIDE A TRAM - RATHER THAN WALK - INTO THE BLOODY CANYON! I'm just sayin'...

Not in Japan, but here in sunny AZ I was frotted by a decrepit allergy specialist during a skin prick test. Pun intended.

FDChief said...

AM: I have to admit that we took the tram UP the canyon to avoid the long flat portion from the VC to the entrance of the canyon proper. But we also did some genuine hiking, as opposed to wandering along the paved road in our wifebeater and titty top...

And, my I say in your behalf: EEEWWWW!! EEEWWWW!!!!

THAT's the gross thing about the whole "getting groped in public" deal for me, the notion of some grotty pervert getting off by forcing him/herself on you. Yuck.