Friday, November 30, 2012

Phone Sex

Sweet Baby Jesus fuckolally fuck I want this job.
"Hundreds of women in South Florida were among the survey recipients, their names pulled from the white pages by a private company, state officials said. They were asked to voluntarily tell the state how many men they'd had sex with in the past year, whether a man had ever poked holes in a condom to get them pregnant, and how they felt emotionally when they last had unprotected sex."
ME: "Hi, is this Tammi?"
WOMAN: Uh, yeah. Who is this?"
ME: "I'm Joe Dirt from the Florida Department of Health. I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you have a moment."
WOMAN: Umm. OK, shoot."
ME: "OK. First; are you wearing panties right now?"
Government service was never like this in the Army.

God, I love Florida. This stuff makes me wish we had a Republican governor here, too.

7 comments:

Lisa said...

The rules are waaaay different here in the Tourist Death Knell State, Chief

FDChief said...

That is for damn sure.

I will have to remember to bill the State Board of Health after calling you up and asking you if you giggle when someone tickles your bottom...

rangeragainstwar said...

Chief,
My old army buddy-no names-was VD control officer for the us command in Korea in 74-75 time frame.
He did his interviews face to face.
Or so he says.
jim

Lisa said...

And you would get remunerated handsomely for your troubles, Chief. (Reminds me of the folks who do studies on obesity only to determine that, indeed, exercise and portion reduction might help matters.)

Y'see, we don't know a lot of things down here ...

FDChief said...

jim: When my battalion went to JRTC in '82 we had a dozen guys contract the clap from business girls in Colon. The battalion commander's answer was to order the medical platoon to conduct a short-arm inspection of the entire battalion.

The only person in the platoon who had any idea of how to do this was the PA, who had done his share as a medic in Vietnam. His advice was to smoke a large cigar and, if there was any sort of problem snarl "Try not to wave it so close to the stogie, son...".

I have no idea if we did any actual good.

Lisa; The call, or the tickling? I suspect that the latter would be provided free-of-charge.

And, sadly, that ignorance is nationwide. We have lots of equally foolish goobers all the way out here, too.

rangeragainstwar said...

Chief,
Medics were often called-pecker checkers.
jim

Lisa said...

Per the tickling: I knew you was a gent :)