Sunday, February 15, 2009

a common penchant for the scenic view

In the midst of the ire of the preceding post I recalled an entertaining little blog I had wandered across several years ago and had nearly forgotten.If you have a spare moment or two, stop by the Dark Lord of the Sith's blog "The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster". Scroll through the musings of the evil henchman of the vile Emperor Darth Sidious. You may find something like the following:
"I was meditating on this new information when a call sounded at the door. It was Moff Jerjerrod stopping by to tell me the Emperor commanded my presence. I made a mental note to crush his trachea with my mind at the first politically reasonable opportunity, and made my way to my master's tower with the snaggle-toothed idiot loping at my heels.

We rode the elevator with a junior lieutenant whose skin prickled at the sound of my respirator. He seemed on the verge of passing out for most of the ride, his adam's apple working in his throat. Just as the door slipped back with a hiss and I moved to leave he managed to call, "Lord Vader," in a pitiable squeak.

I paused, and turned back to him.

He took a deep breath. "I just wanted to say, sir, my Lord -- well, that I've always looked up to you. I don't know if people ever take the time to say...thanks. Thank you, Lord Vader. You're an inspiration to us all."

I hesitated, uncertain what to say, and in that moment of silence the young lieutenant began to stammer an apology. I stopped him by holding up one gloved, open hand. "Thank you, Lieutenant," I said evenly. "I hope to see you one day commanding the fleet."

"Yes, my Lord!" he grinned, saluting smartly. The elevator sighed closed and he disappeared. How charming!

"Shameless sycophancy," grunted Jerjerrod with that little smirk of his pulled tight over his mouth. "Let's not dawdle now, Lord Vader."

Using every ounce of self-control I barely avoided simultaneously breaking every bone in the Moff's body with a spasm of pointed thought. He continued to make light banter as we walked, endangering his life. We paused at the threshold of Palpatine's tower. "Recognize this, Jerjerrod," I said, pointing my index finger menacingly in his face. "Had the Emperor not specifically requested that your life be spared for the time being, you would even now be holding your own quivering giblets in your hands."

Jerjerrod wet himself mutely."
Indeed.I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the diverting musings of the Dark Lord of the Galaxy.

And if not, there's always the REAL Dark Lord - Dick Cheney's forthcoming memoir: "How I Did It"...

2 comments:

sheerahkahn said...

People are people chief.
And when one person, say a friend, steps on my toes in a fashion that is both hurtful, and offensive the only thing I can do to preserve the relationship is to adopt a position of correction that is used in parenting. I must treat the situation like I would treat a wayward child.

Yeah, I know, I said child.

Children need to know what the limitations are of their environment, and so to must adults/friends know what the limitations are of our friendship.

I have found that they, child or friend, who do not know what my limitations are, will push the boundaries of what I consider acceptable to determine where it is they are to stop. And if I don't stop them, they'll keep pushing.

Consistency in the rules I establish must be enforced, else the child or friend becomes confused, and wanders because of the arbitrariness of my enforcement of the rules I have established.

I re-emphasize the word Consistency. That means consistency in my mannerisms and response to those things which are, in I find to be wrong.

Hence, if I consider racism as wrong, regardless of race, then I treat all things that are racist equally, if I don't...they tend to think caveats exist in my thinking.

Once the demarcations of the parameters of what is acceptable, and what is unacceptable behavior have been established, then I can maintain an enforcement of those parameters.
If they step outside those parameters, a suitable negative response is issued. The goal for me is not to destroy the relationship, but to correct the deviant behavior in the child or friend so that I can keep the relationship healthily maintained.

This is called Calm Assertive parenting/friendship.
It works with children, friends, and co-workers, and the real oddity, with strangers as well.

The bitch of it all is to suppress the desire to go screaming off the edge of a cliff with axe and sword in hand, howling like a mad dog, into the offensive person like one of Frazetta's Conan paintings.

basilbeast said...

You should check out the adventures of "Chad Vader" on youtube.

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