Monday, September 22, 2008

Before that Smoking Investment Becomes a Mushroom Cloud...

When the Bush Administration tells you that there's a dire emergency right outside...

...and you need to hand them your checkbook, PIN number, car and house keys, combination to your household safe, nude pictures of your children and the controls to the shocker collar on your watchdog.

You need to remember this.

Because it doesn't take a thief to catch a thief. It takes a watchful cop to catch the thieves. Just because Henry Paulson and Ben Bernanke want you to believe differently doesn't make it so.

As the decider himself might say: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...won't get fooled again.

Update 9/23: Hey, I just got this in the e-mail. I think it looks like a terrific opportunity! Let me know what you think but I'll be away from the keyboard for a moment to get my debit card!

"Dear American:

I cordially correspond today to request you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude which is most seriously important.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused urgent need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion USD. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gramm, lobbyist for UBS, who (God willing) will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a former U.S. congressional leader and the architect of the PALIN / McCain Financial Doctrine, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. As such, you can be assured that this transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred. For this inconvenience you will be rewarded with grand fees of 1/1,000,000th of 1% of possible profits due to off shore laundering of skim funds due to reprinting of said funds.

Please reply with mother's maiden name, routing and account numbers of all of your bank account, IRA, 401K, pension funds, gold and silver accounts, serial numbers of any weapons you own, and college fund accounts and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Please Respond Immediately Forthwith In Confidence.

Yours Faithfully and Sincerely,

Minister of Treasury Paulson"
Henh. Who'da thought it..? Not sure whether to laugh or cry.

6 comments:

sheerahkahn said...

Laugh or cry, those are the only two options we have in this one, Chief.

pluto said...

You and Sheera have said it all.

Did I mention a scathing editorial that the economist Rosa Parks did for the LA Times on Sunday?

It was a mocked up letter from the IMF congratulating the US on becoming a third world coutry so quickly and explaning how we need to let them take over (as they have done with several nations before us) to straighten us out.

The sad thing is that the IMF is legendary for imposing serious economic pain on a country's citizens and the US has always stood by the IMF insisting that the country should "suck it up" and all will come out well in the end. While we've usually been right and things usually comes out okay in the end, who is big enough to hold our hands and tell us to "suck it up?" It sure isn't going to be either of our pandering Presidential candidates.

Ron Paul, anybody?

Publius said...

Are laugh and cry the only options? Chief, I've never viewed you as a financial expert, but I think you've got this one pretty well figured out. Want to take over my portfolio?

I am America. I am so depressed. Even American Idol doesn't make me feel good. I think we should go out and bomb somebody. That might make me feel better.

Ael said...

"Oh, look!, an eagle!"

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FDChief said...

"Oh, look! An eagle!"

You know that's the part where you get kicked in the nuts, right?


Damn, that hurts.

Oh, well. I wasn't planning on retiring, anyway...