I was just thinking today that I must be becoming an old curmudgeon because I'm starting to see the world as a collection of things I don't understand; stuff that to me is inexplicably popular, that lots of other people seem to luuuuurve but I stand there scratching my ass wondering "Is it me, or...?" Stuff like...
Sarah Palin. We've had eight years of repeated Three Stooges routines because we elected a mook that is 1) badly educated and warn't too gud at thinkin' to begin with, and 2) has the intellectual curiousity of a torpid sloth, yet 3) has no doubt of his "gut" and is convinced he's right - makes decisions based on his beliefs and not on outside facts. This has succeeded so well that the man's approval numbers rival a homicidal Great White Shark. So we want to elect another Christopathic, intellectually vapid, slogan-spouting, badly-travelled and poorly educated bush league goober...why?
I don't understand.
Segways. I just don't understand.Why not walk? It'd be faster and you could wear lederhosen and not look as dorky.
Segways as law enforcement tools.
I mean, how slow are the crooks in China, anyway?
I reeeeeally don't get it.
Hummers. While we're on the subject of transportation, what the fuck is with the crazy appeal of these road monsters? Remember, I've driven the Original, the "Ultimate War Machine" that all these donut-chomping fightin' data compilers WISH they were ramming down the highway to Fallujah instead of tooling between Vancouver and Oregon City on their way to their first coronary.IMO they're a clumsy, underpowered, uncomfortable, badly-made and breakdown-prone diesel hog that compares unfavorably for off-road fun with almost any civilian 4WD including the original army 4WD, the Jeep. I liked my old M151A1 quarter-ton a whole lot better, and it cost me less than $100 a fill-up at the old Mogas tank out behind the 2/187th Motor Pool. Plus their outsize wheelbase makes them slide in and out of the ruts in the interstate. Get a fuckin' Jeep, dummy!
I don't get it unless it has something to do with compensating for a small pecker.
Playing the lottery. "Lottery games are not for investment purposes"...WTF!!?? If it was designed to make YOU money, they'd make you run the thing. Once in a while, fine. But $10, $20, $30 bucks a week? They must think you're stupid. Seems like every so often they're right...I don't understand this beyond "you can fool some of the people...".
Beets. Starving in central Europe?
Doing well enough in north Portland? Are you kidding me?
And beet borscht - is there any food worth getting outside of that comes in pink?
And kid food doesn't count; kids will eat anything. Except for beets.
Would you stalk, shoot and eat a pussy cat? You want some fries with that cougar? Why the hell would you kill something that's not a) tasty or b) has an even chance of killing you first?
I don't understand this at all, and I love to hunt stuff I can eat like duck, pheasant and deer. You want me to go after a cougar? Make me single and available and put me on a barstool next to this cougar.
And this?Don't even BEGIN to understand...
Republican Economics. Let me get this straight; the guy who runs Lehman Brothers is a tool. He's just run his company into the ground. The guy who cleans the toilets at Lehman Brothers may very well be an Einstein of Toilet Cleaning, a maestro of the shiny porcelin bowl, a terrific worker and top of his profession. With Lehman heading down that very same toilet, the CEO is going to leave with his multimillion dollar salary and tons of other goodies that will ensure that, enormous fuckup that he is, he can live like minor royalty even if he never works again. The toilet guy may very well never work again, either, but he will have to eat fucking cat food to do it. I don't understand: why is this OK with John McCain, Sarah Palin, George W. Bush and their friends?
And that's just off the top of my head.
How about you? Are you starting to feel this way, or is it just me, having my first long-lasting Senior Moment?