This is almost too easy.
At least the dog was dead, and the cat was all freaky choosing the dead.
There wasn't anything dead or dying involved in this one unless you count the standards of print journalism. And, again don't be mislead by the image: the idiotic "mocha" story was above the fold on page one this morning (complete with ginormous picture of foamy mocha goodness...).
Do these people have either shame or pride?
I'm guessing no.
So: I'm opening a contest to you, the reader - what's the stupidest news story you recall that your local paper ever printing? Mind you, it has to be a legitimate paper - no supermarket checkout stand rags or news-and-advertisers. I think that the Big O may possibly be the World's Worst Paper Ever. But I'm willing to be convinced otherwise.
Have at it.